I didn’t know her personally. She is my maidservants(chechi) neighbor. Her name is Anju… 19 years old. Her folks were financially hmm…not well off… but just so –so..
Her father had a govt. job and had saved enough for his daughter’s future .and they lived an ordinary peaceful life like a proper lower middle class family..
But their lifestyle changed soon… her father had some health problems…they spend all their savings on his sickness but it did not help…
After her father’s death life was quite different.. I dunno why fate was cruel towards them..many of her father colleagues had spent their money gambling and the like …but he had saved for his family…but in the end they were left with nothing at all…
In order to support her family her mom started to work. She got a job in a temple… doing odd jobs there…
Soon after Anju turned 18 they became worried about her marriage… ‘they’ implies even the neighbors including my servant…
She was good at studies but that was not of importance to them…
I remember my servant chechi telling my mom about a very good proposal for Anju..My mom asked her abt the groom’s job…Servant chichi didn’t know..her reply was that his family has their own house and several cents of land..Another point was that the groom’s sister was married to a well off family.
Mom tried to convince her that these are not the required criteria…but to them it was all that what mattered…
The wedding took place soon…that was more than an year ago…
We do not know that family well other than them being our servant chechs neighbours… But Anjus mom comes home at times.. when she is desperately in need of money.. And my mom helps her..
Some time ago she came..she needed money for Anju’s delivery…
That was when we came to know about the rest of the story… Anjus husband had no job… He and his mom lived by selling her gold…and parts of the land they owned.. He abused her.. and said he was doing that out of love…he had no income…but had money …and hence frens who were good-for nothing’s like him… at times he goes to work as a cleaner in a private bus… other days he d spent time with frens in some bar or the womens college junctions …
Now Anju is at her house ..after the delivery..he wants her back to his place…
Few days ago when my servant chechi went to Anjus house …she saw him strangling her…She is woman of guts and strength …she kind of wrestled with him and saved the poor gal…
In the evenings this guy orders classic food from a restaurant nearby and eats it in front of Anju and her mom…not sharing a morsel of it.. He doesn’t take care of the baby ..nor help them in any way…
But ..
Yesday my servant chechi came to speak to my mom abt her daughter and how she shud get her married..this gal is just 20… She had an odd job at the place where my mom works…And is studying a part time course coz we insisted.. We tried to convince our servant to wait for some more time…. But no she was not convinced..
I cant understand why this is happening,,…. Didn’t they just watch a gal in a helpless situation…. Wudnt it make a difference if Anju was educated…. When will the system change???
12 comments:
and so the vicious circle continues...
chechi doesn;t have only you guys who advice on the positive side!.. she ha s other part of the people.. who might think in the same direction as hers?.... Its mostly the mind setup! and their pre-fixes on certain issues!.. Its more than just words that need to be shown!.. Its like.. this.. for a lay man you say certain good things.. he will nod his head in front you .. but wouldn;t really understand the point that you are saying!.. and just because we understand what you say! we assume that other person understands.. the same thing!.. But, if you make a scenario putting the person into it!.. ask questions.. and seek answers from them!.. then that would trigger their mind to think in that way!.. sometime reverse enggineering works!.. rather explaining things.. :)..
And it takes time.. to change..
The system will take a long time to change. Somehow the feeling is that bad things happen to others and not to us.
It is not just the lower middle class but even others who are guilty of forcing daughters to marry. Just imagine a woman in India has to get married. She has no choice in this matter! And what is worse is people telling a gal to stay in an abusive relationship. And that is because there is no place for a gal to go if she has no husband. Pathetic!!!
sad truth.. i am disgusted to say that i have started to accept these things as routine..
txs for visiting my blog. ur blog is very good. keep it up.
:))
hello..well i have not read ur recent post...
just to say you hello.
came through blogger friend
Thanks all for visiting my blog :) Never thought I d start blogging though reading blogs is the first thing I do on reaching office..
Thanks again for ur encouragement..
mine was also a sad post.
system stinks..i really really wish.. to do a Howard Roark...
But still...I don't graduate from a armchair activist...
We really are not directly responsible for many things happening around us..But we indirectly are..That really pains...but dont stop trying...If we also quit trying..then situation wud turn worse...open your eyes and ears..try to refine the system..if at all u cudnt alter it...Cheers !!!!
The society, including all of us, are to blame, like neermathalam said.
People like their children to be married off to people who seem to have money, agood job etc. They conveniently forget to think of the person getting married, their likes and dislikes.
And in most cases it is like one hectic and troublesome job,which parents take so much pains to do.
People generally are averse to change too.
Good thought provoking post.
And Neermathalam, yes Roark..thats the spirit! :)
Thought provoking! As Sachin told, its a vicious circle and its gonna continue for some more time! I agree that the state of girls deserve sympathy - and according to me, its women themselves who make it even more pathetic. Its them who first comment on girls not being married...coming late to home...or watever. I think women liberation should happen first in every womans mind. If they stand for themselves, the society would have half of the population on their side. But as to when it will happen - need ideas!
It's very hard to have any sympathy for these folks because poverty is perpetuated through such atitudes. Goes to show you how social restrictions and customs create deprivation.
I do feel sorry for the daughter though. Gathering from your writing though, she is probably based in Kerala, and has little hope for employment as well given the state of things in Kerala. So, they don't think twice about marrying her off since the financial opportunity cost is so low.
came here via silverine...eye opener of a post...surely education will make a difference in the long run...and somehow the strength of women is kind of silent but prevails...if not in this generation, definitely the next...am sure anju would not allow her daughter to succumb to the same fate...unless her @&%$##@ of a husband has a problem...lets hope not!
happy new year
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